My New Year’s resolution is to be more like my mom

I have said elsewhere on this blog that I don’t make New Year’s resolutions but this year that turns out not to be true. My New Year’s resolution is to be more like my mom. This may sound strange. I have heard that as girls get older they spend much of their time trying to avoid becoming their mothers, usually to no avail. I, however, have wanted to be like my mom since I was very little and the feeling only grows each year.

My mom is the least judgmental person I know. The only time she bashes people is if they have hurt someone she loves and even then she listens more than she bashes. The exceptions to this are, of course: anyone playing against the Steelers, and people with extremely unintelligent political views. (But after all, there is only so much one person can take quietly, particularly if she is a Kaufman and football or politics are on the line.)

Mom’s faith in things from God to earthworms inspires me all the time. She says “All shall be well” and she believes it. She also believes in grace. When she believes in something, she believes in it all the way through. I don’t know if she has her own doubts. I’d be surprised if she didn’t. But something Mom’s taught me is that having doubts is not the same thing as lacking faith. Here are some of the things Mom has taught me to have faith in:

• God
• rain, compost, and the wisdom of nature
• good books
• things built to last
• people
• conscience
• roots
• wings

Don’t even get me started on the kind of mother Mom is. Mom sang me “Would You Like to Swing on a Star,” and “Que Sera Sera,” and “Joanie,” and read me “Where the Sidewalk Ends,” and “The Runaway Bunny,” and “The Chronicles of Narnia.” I can still remember sitting in her lap with my big stack of books and her arms wrapped around me. Or laying under blankets by the fireplace before bed and listening to her read - some of the most comforting memories of my life. Mom nurtured in me a love for reading, writing, country music, mountains, and a hundred million other things. And when I am stupid and boring and wrong, she tells me that she knows I’ll make the right decision and that everything will be okay. She’s not faking. She really believes in me and in the world. Mom has always wanted to hear what I have to say, or at least pretended to. And trust me, once I get started, I don’t stop easily. Never once in my entire life has Mom not had time for me.

Mom doesn’t care when you cry or how you cry or why you cry or whether you’re being a big fat ridiculous baby. She always gets that soft sympathetic look in her eyes and holds you close. Even if you’re not her kid she’ll do that. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to hold a candle to her as a mother, but I know my kids will be okay because they’ll have Mom as a grandmother.

I bounce ideas off Mom almost before I bounce them off my own brain. That’s because Mom is one of the smartest people I know. I know I’m probably biased, but I think Mom may be one of the smartest people in the world. Mom knows things: useful and otherwise. There’s no enjoying Jeopardy when she’s in the room; you only wind up feeling badly about yourself. Alex Trebek gets to read the cards, but Mom knows the answers. Mom’s also a talented thinker. She doesn’t mind people questioning her beliefs. She’s thought them through and she can defend them. And she knows there’re some things she doesn’t know. She’s willing to think about those things too. Mom knows history and current events and how to pronounce words and scientific concepts and how to grow a hundred different plants and what they’re named (common and scientific). There’s a difference between intelligence and wisdom and Mom’s got both.

More than anyone else I know, Mom knows how to put things into perspective. I was on the phone with her the other day concerned because I was calling to tell her how I had spoiled a plan she had made. Mom just laughed. She never tells people they should have done what they should have done. She lets the silly stupid things that happen pass without making people feel badly about themselves. Mom can make a meal for four turn into a meal for ten in the time it takes for the front door to open and close six more times. And when you’re not there when you said you were going to be, she doesn’t grudge you the leftovers. Mom knows how important it is to feed the soul.

I’ve heard that it’s impossible to fathom the depth of the love you will have for your children before you have them. I’m sure this is true. But I know from experience that it is impossible to fathom the amount of love you can have for your parents even when you are in the midst of that love. I could say that to have parents and a sister such as mine nearly sets me up for failure – so much do I have to live up to and so great is the pressure. But it’s not true. To have parents and a sister such as mine is to have all the tools and guidance needed to make a life worth living.

(Disclaimer) I have tried, in saying what I have been trying to say, to avoid clichés fit for Mother’s Day greeting cards, none of which do Mom the credit she deserves. I know that I have, for the most part, not given the other influential people in my life their due in this entry. This one’s for Mom. She deserves that. And truthfully, I have not halfway gotten to the wonderfulness that is Mom. If you know her, I’m sure you’ll agree. But if 2010 gets me one step closer to possessing the grace and strength of my mother, it will truly be a successful year.

Taylor Swift's "The Best Day": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l4_6eQm7RTQ

-R.E.A.