Doing things the normal way

Yesterday, driving home from work, I saw a car with some kind of company name (I wish I could remember what) on the side scooting down the highway. And on its back was one of those big stickers that said in bold letters: “CAUTION: CAR MAKES FREQUENT STOPS.” Now, besides the fact that the car looked like a goober, I was pretty irritated by the sign. It seems that, much like political commentators on Fox and CNN, cars who wish to drive without following basic traffic precautions no longer need any relevant credentials.

I can understand those signs on big rigs that say, “IF YOU CAN’T SEE YOURSELF IN MY SIDE MIRRORS, I CAN’T SEE YOU EITHER” (or whatever it is, exactly, that they say) because those actually help keep the rest of us from being rammed by a semi- (unless you’re me – but that’s another story) and because truck drivers and their trucks are part of the heartbeat of America. I can even understand those signs on the backs of buses that say, “STOPS AT ALL RAILROAD XINGS” because that’s the law and it helps keep the rest of us from ramming into them. (Don’t get me started on the role of buses in America).

But I can’t just plaster a sticker on my car that says, “CAUTION, THIS CAR SWERVES RANDOMLY INTO OTHER LANES” or, “BEWARE…IDIOT DRIVER ONLY USES TURN SIGNALS EVERY OTHER TUESDAY” and expect that it’s someone else’s fault when we crash because, after all, I gave them fair, authoritative warning in the form of a peel-off sticker. If anybody would actually read the driver’s handbook, they would know that using your own caution while driving is actually part of the law. Common sense will also remind you it’s your responsibility, but I understand that’s asking an awful lot.

What the random, credential-less car should have written on its rear, if it must be perpetually stopping at inconvenient times is something like: “INNUMERABLE APOLOGIES FOR THE INCONVENIENCE, BUT THIS HUMBLE CAR MAKES FREQUENT STOPS, SO IF YOU HOPE TO MAINTAIN YOUR SANITY, YOU MAY WISH TO AVOID DRIVING BEHIND ME. p.s. I’LL TRY TO STAY OUT OF YOUR WAY!”

Being informative is no substitute for being responsible. And if you are the type of person who insists on doing things your own way, you should also learn to be the type of person who doesn’t get in the way of other people doing things the normal way.

  -R.E.A.